Edit: Taking Lifes Peaks

This is edit of Jane’s homework, “Taking Life’s Peaks One Step at a Time”

I would expand the main idea. What you’ve written isn’t so much “How I cured my chronic back pain” as it is “How seeking a cure for my chronic back pain led to my catharsis”.

Your first paragraph should be like a summary of the whole article. This would be mine:

I. Chronic back pain

A. sought help through traditional medicine
B. sought help through non-traditional medicine
C. cured my back pain and found myself in the process.

The proceeding paragraphs would expand upon A, B and C.

Remember your main idea is what you want the reader to gain or conclude from reading the article. Knights don’t fight dragons for the hell of it. They fight dragons to win the princess. The story is how he gets the princess, but we know there is a princess out there somewhere in the beginning of the story.

I would work on the transition between non-traditional medicine and soft-touch chiropractors/writing.  I would include the soft-touch in with the non-traditional medicine. Make writing (and meditation maybe?) it’s own paragraph about how self-introspection has helped you solve this problem. You could include how your friends have opened doors you didn’t know existed as well.

Those are my suggestions. Hope I’m not being too authoritarian here. Take what you can use and leave the rest, as they say.

Namaste